The Advice Trap

Be Humble, Stay Curious & Change the Way You Lead Forever

By Michael Bungay Stanier

"The Advice Trap" (2020) serves as a hands-on manual for reining in your inner Advice Monster.

Many of us dispense advice on impulse, driven by insecurity and a desire to dominate our circumstances. This behavior, however, risks pushing others away and squashes creativity in the workplace. Instead of eagerly offering solutions, we should embrace a robust curiosity and master the art of attentive listening.

About the author

Michael Bungay Stanier was recognized as the top Thought Leader in Coaching in 2019. His earlier work, "The Coaching Habit," has sold 700,000 copies and earned more than 1,000 five-star reviews on Amazon. He is the founder of Box of Crayons, a learning-and-development firm, and has consulted globally on enhancing leadership styles.

Elevate Your Leadership by Embracing Challenges, Not Solutions

Have you ever been puzzled by why your sound advice goes unheeded? Or felt overwhelmed by trying to assist too many people?

Such experiences stem from being controlled by your "Advice Monster"—that inner voice compelling you to dictate others' actions.

In this summary, you'll uncover the origins of this voice and understand how the constant quest to solve problems can damage both your relationships and leadership effectiveness.

You'll explore the power of active listening and learn why posing questions often proves more impactful than offering solutions. This approach will also guide you in cultivating empathy and humility, helping you acknowledge that others too have valuable insights.

This summary reveals:

• The counterproductive effect of trying to "rescue" people;

• The neurological basis for our brain's defense mechanisms in stressful scenarios; and

• The reasons behind individuals undermining their own coaching experiences.

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Unwanted Advice as a Barrier to Genuine Solutions

It's a common experience: someone shares a problem and instantly, we're brimming with solutions we're eager to offer.

But should we rush to provide solutions? Even when it seems helpful to lend a hand to someone in distress?

There are instances where offering advice is clearly beneficial. For example, it would be peculiar to withhold directions to the restroom when asked. However, our automatic impulse to solve problems for others usually ends up being more obstructive than helpful.

Unwanted advice often hinders the path to effective solutions.

Consider what typically happens. When people discuss their troubles, we're often so fixated on providing solutions that we fail to truly listen. It may take time for them to express the crux of their issue. If we interject prematurely, there’s a high chance we’ll address the wrong concerns because we didn't fully grasp their main issue.

Even when we do understand the problem, our advice is often only passable. We generally don’t listen well enough to gather all the pertinent details. Relying on scant information and personal biases, we cling to the first solution that comes to mind rather than exploring multiple options to identify the best one.

This compulsion to dispense advice can also drain our own energy. Constantly attempting to fix everyone else’s issues leaves us with little time to focus on broader, strategic goals—particularly if you're in a leadership role.

Moreover, being bombarded with unsolicited advice is hardly enjoyable. It can feel demeaning, as if others doubt our ability to solve problems or make decisions independently.

For those who habitually offer advice, it's crucial to recognize this pattern as detrimental. By underestimating others' capabilities, we stifle innovation and wear ourselves out. Breaking this cycle requires confronting our inner "Advice Monster" and learning to step back.